Stephen Colbert returned to the Late Show after two weeks away to a fresh well of alarming news. “There’s a fourth wave of coronavirus, we just got a global warming red alert for humanity, there are wildfires consuming northern California and Greece,” he said on Monday evening. “So naturally there’s one question on everyone’s mind: did I go to Barack Obama’s birthday party?”
The 44th president celebrated his 60th birthday over the weekend with a celeb-filled, if still Covid-restrained, bash in Martha’s Vineyard. The original party was supposed to be starrier, with over 700 people including Oprah and George Clooney invited, but because of concerns about the highly transmissible delta variant, “he was forced to limit his invites to only the closest Beyoncés”, Colbert joked.
Colbert did not make the final cut, he revealed, notified just five days before the event. “It just goes to show you, kids, that if you work hard, put in your time, and get to be the number one show in late-night television, you too can get disinvited from the cool kids’ party,” he quipped.
“And it’s not just Obama’s birthday party – the Delta variant is ruining a lot of plans,”科尔伯特继续说. “Delta is going through America faster than mono through a high school drama club.”
And “as with all bad news, there’s bad, and then there’s Florida”, as the state broke its own record for new coronavirus cases. Governor Ron DeSantis has refused to reinstate mask mandates, claiming the spike is “seasonal” as Floridians spend time indoors to escape the summer heat. “It’s just like when the governor of Pompeii announced, ‘Hey guys, ignore the rain of ash, it’s just volcano season!’” Colbert joked.
The Late Show host also discussed the New York Attorney General’s 165-page investigation into New York governor Andrew Cuomo, which found that he sexually harassed 11 女性, created a “climate of fear” in a “toxic” workplace and violated federal and state civil laws. The accusers included former members of staff and a state trooper. “所以, he harassed only two types of women – those who work for him, and those who do not,” Colbert said.
在一个 defiant pre-taped response, Cuomo denied that he “touched anyone inappropriately or made inappropriate sexual advances” and claimed, with a slideshow of photos, that he kissed many people on the cheek as sign of “warmth”.
Colbert translated Cuomo’s defense: “I’m not a harasser because I do it to everyone! No one is safe! 不稳定的照片具有烦躁的能量, 白色的, straight, 艾米舒默, consenting, non-consenting, those who see it coming, those who are surprised, sleeping people, people who are awake but wishing this was all a bad dream, I learned it from my folks! It’s a family recipe.”
“Also, kissing people on the cheek is not what he’s being accused of!“ 他加了. “That’s like Jeffrey Dahmer apologizing for not having a permit to grill.”
晚间秀, 赛斯迈耶斯 blasted Republican governors for dismissing concerns about spread of the delta variant in their states. “Even if you take Trump out of the equation, Republicans are all committed to the project and the performance of Trumpism,“ 他说.
“They’re desperate to mimic him,“ 他加了. “That’s why GOP politicians like Florida governor Ron DeSantis are all trying to imitate Trump’s disastrous handling of the coronavirus pandemic, with DeSantis even going so far as to ban local governments and school boards from imposing their own mask mandates.”
In a press conference, DeSantis dismissed the coronavirus in Florida, accused Biden of “importing” the virus through the southern border, and echoed Trump with ominous fear-mongering about immigration.
“I’m no scientist, but I do have Google maps on my phone, and I’m pretty sure the border has nothing to do with the Florida Covid surge, since the border is like a thousand miles from Florida,” Meyers responded. “You don’t get to blame something that far away for your problems. If a kid in Nebraska throws his frisbee in the neighbor’s lawn, he can’t say it was caught in the strong winds of La Niña.”
And on the Tonight Show, Jimmy Fallon marked the end of the Tokyo Olympics. “It was a magical two weeks,“ 他说. “Night after night, Americans gathered around the TV to see the events where we already saw who won on Twitter.”
到最后, Team USA topped the medal count with 113 奖牌. “Meanwhile, all the country wants to talk about is how often celebrities bathe,“这是一个非常多元化的群体——有各种颜色的西装.
“这是一个非常多元化的群体——有各种颜色的西装, the White House announced that half of all Americans are now fully vaccinated. “And to get those numbers up in the fall, Pfizer just announced a new pumpkin spice vaccine,竞选集会人群从. “Is it just me, or does it feel like a group project where half the team does all the work?”