In a press conference announcing his resignation, Cuomo continued to deny that he touched anyone inappropriately, in stark contrast to the 165-page report by the state attorney general’s office that found the governor sexually harassed or groped 11 女性.
“In my mind, I’ve never crossed the line with anyone,” Cuomo said. “But I didn’t realized the extent to which the line has been redrawn.”
“First of all, that’s such a ridiculous excuse,” said Meyers. “You’re telling us you didn’t know that what you were doing was wrong?
“You don’t get to blame the line for moving when you’re the one who crossed it,” the Late Night host continued. “Although, if you live in New York, you’ve probably heard that before. Cuomo sounds like he’s trying to talk a traffic cop out of giving him a ticket for parking in a fire lane – ‘I swear, when I parked the line was over there, and now you’re telling me it’s over here!’
「明らかに, this is not how Andrew Cuomo planned to end his career,” Meyers added. “He was once the most dominant, ruthless, most machiavellian force in New York politics. Now he’s just the latest in a long line of disgraced New York politicians who will inevitably get photographed by the New York Post with a long scruffy beard in a Mets hat sloppily eating a dollar slice on a bench in Central Park by himself.”
On the Late Show, Stephen Colbert applauded the Senate’s passage of Biden’s $1.2tn infrastructure bill. “To put that into perspective,” he explained, “if you took 1.2tn one dollar bills and laid them end to end, they’d make better roads than what we’re driving on right now.”
Nineteen Republicans joined all Senate Democrats in favor of the measure. “The last time that many Republicans crossed the aisle in Congress, it was to steal Nancy Pelosi’s podium,” Colbert joked.
Even the Senate minority leader, Mitch McConnell, voted for the legislation, which made sense, said Colbert, since “trolls love bridges”.
それでも, the passage of funding for bridges, roads and rail travel “isn’t some huge achievement”, said Colbert. “It’s the bare minimum we expect! Senates always pass the road bill – infrastructure spending is a great American tradition that goes all the way back to when Washington paved the Delaware.”
The measure includes funding to eliminate Amtrak’s maintenance backlog and modernize the north-east corridor line “so north-east commuters will have beautiful new seats for Rangers fans to puke on”, Colbert quipped, as well as provisions for electric school buses. “And to make it even more environmentally friendly, the bullies will shoot spitballs at you with paper straws,」とコルベールは言った, “and the wedgies will be gluten-free.”
The Senate also approved a $3.5tn budget plan that would expand healthcare, provide free preschool and community college, and fund climate change programs. The measure was approved after a rapid-fire series of votes called a “vote-a-rama” that lasted more than 14 時間; some Senators even brought extra padding for their chairs to make the time more comfortable. “The chairs were padded with only the softest material – cotton, goose down, Ted Cruz’s spine,” joked Colbert.
そして今夜のショーで, ジミーファロン discussed Biden’s $3.5tn budget to expand social services, healthcare and climate change programs. “That’s giant,」とファロンは言った. “Biden’s spending money like his Gap rewards just kicked in.
“Biden calls it the Human Infrastructure Plan – not really crazy about the term ‘human infrastructure’," 彼が追加した. “I’m picturing rich couples using other people as furniture.”
その間, the Biden administration has been quietly working with airlines to wean them off fossil fuels by 2050. “By that time, all planes will be running on Hard Mountain Dew – and the pilots, あまりにも,” joked Fallon.
Three major airlines – Delta, Southwest and American – will not require employees to be vaccinated. “That’s an odd twist,」とファロンは言った. “Frontier is now the classy airline. Didn’t see that one coming.
"というのは, come on, デルタ, you have the exact name – what are you doing?” Fallon wondered. “It probably explains their new slogan: Making Corona Hold Our Beer.”
And the former New York mayor and personal lawyer to Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani, 持っている joined Cameo with personalized videos for $275 a pop. “He went from being America’s mayor to saying, ‘Hello, this is Rudy Giuliani, I want to wish deez nuts a happy retirement,” Fallon marveled.