Jimmy Kimmel on the Facebook papers: ‘Are we surprised by this?’

Jimmy Kimmel reacted to the release of the so-called Facebook papers on Monday evening – a trove of documents, published by 17 US news organizations, which detail the company’s own knowledge of its threats to democracy.

“Are we surprised by this? Finding out ‘What did Facebook know?’” Kimmel wondered with faux shock. “Let me clear it up for you, what Facebook knows: they know everything.

“They know your social security number, they know where you live, they know what you’re having for lunch, they know the winners of the next five Super Bowls,” he added.

“But we can’t stop, because we have to monitor the weight of our former love interests,” he joked.

“All of the news today is stuff we already know: Facebook is evil, global warming is real, Republican officials helped plan the coup, Pop-Tarts contain no fruit,” said Stephen Colbert at the top of Monday’s Late Show.

But as the host is “contractually obligated to be surprised about what’s happening in the world,” Colbert feigned shock at record-setting rain in the west, just a week after the governor of California declared a drought emergency. San Francisco had the fourth wettest day in its history; Sacramento saw the most amount of rainfall in a day since 1880.

The historic rain was caused by an offshore storm system known as a “bomb cyclone” – “because that’s what weather is now, just a combination of terrible things,” Colbert said. “So get ready for next week’s forecast of Murder Typhoon, Stab-icanes, and the rest of the week is Floods That Try to Explain Bitcoin to You.”

In other news, Monday was a “monumentally bad day for Facebook, the world’s top social media network and uncle-radicalizer,” Colbert continued, with the release of the Facebook papers.

The stories outline how coordinated groups sow violence and discord on Facebook, including with the 6 January insurrection. “That’s in addition to the discord your cousin sows on Facebook by announcing she’s named her twins Dash and Otter,” Colbert joked.

On The Daily Show, Trevor Noah mourned the loss of cinematographer Halyna Hutchins, who was accidentally shot and killed when a prop gun handled by Alec Baldwin misfired on the set of the movie Rust. “Maybe I’m an idiot, but I don’t get this: why do they need real guns to make a fake thing?” Noah wondered. “Because Hollywood movies love using the fake version of real things for everything, except guns.

“Like in Hollywood they’ve got fake everything – fake tigers, fake houses, fake diversity and inclusion initiatives,” he continued. “But then when it comes to deadly weapons, suddenly they’re like ‘let’s get a real gun and see what happens.’”

“It makes no sense to me: live gunfire is something that should’ve been phased out movies a long time ago, like black face,” he added. “But I guess Hollywood has a history of moving slowly on innovation. I mean, shit, it was only a few years ago that they found out women could be over 33.”

“What makes this story even worse is that usually, there are a lot of safety measures in place to make sure that this kind of thing doesn’t happen.” According to numerous Hollywood prop and weapons experts, there should never be live rounds on set, and no gun should ever be pointed at another person.

But reports have revealed that safety concerns, including several previous misfires by the prop gun in question, led several crew members to walk off the set the morning of the accident. According to the LA Times, a crew member texted the unit production manager warning “we’ve now had three accidental discharges. This is super unsafe.” The prop master on set had recently said on a podcast that she was intimidated and inexperienced with loading blank rounds.

“If you don’t have the budget to pay for gun safety for your gun movie, then maybe you shouldn’t be making a gun movie,” Noah said. “Make a different movie.”

Seth Meyers discussed a bombshell report from Rolling Stone that organizers of the 6 January insurrection participated in “dozens” of meetings with GOP members of Congress and White House staff in the days leading up to the riot.

According to the magazine, Republican lawmakers including Marjorie Taylor Greene of Georgia, Paul Gosar of Arizona, and Lauren Boebert of Colorado promised organizers a “blanket pardon” for the protest held to oppose Mike Pence’s symbolic certification of Joe Biden’s victory in the 2020 election.

“‘Blanket pardon’ sounds like the kind of made-up fake legal things these doofuses would say,” the Late Night host said. “It’s a weird feature of our politics that the most sinister characters are also the biggest morons.”

“It’s getting harder and harder to articulate just how unhinged the right has become,” he added. “They’re now claiming they’re vindicated by everything from secret sources inside fake CIA fraud departments, to proof in voter fraud found in empty parking lots,” as Mike Lindell said on Steve Bannon’s podcast. “They’re not going to stop.”




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