Hugo Chegwin: ‘Waitrose sent me home to get my David Beckham mohawk cut off’

A Mitchell and Webb sketch about football; as a non-football fan I related to it so much. The sentiment of it is: football, no one really ever wins; it just keeps going.

Superbad. It was so relatable for me. I was those guys – all of them in some capacity.

It has to be Seapa – Allan Mustafa. He puts making people laugh over anything. We could be in a career-defining meeting and he still wants to have fun. An almost anarchist, punk energy. I think we both feel like we are kids on the longest summer holiday.

We had a Kurupt FM gig in Wales and we decided to test out a new piece of equipment, which was a terrible idea. Every two minutes the laptop would crash and through the club speakers you could hear the sound an Apple Mac makes when it restarts, and it would take about three minutes to boot up again.

When I was 17, I managed to blag my way into Fabric. We had tried a few places and it wasn’t working, even though we were all dressed in Moss Bros suits from our school prom. Once we’d got in, I saw all the older, cooler guys from our school in tracksuits. They were laughing at us. I quickly stuffed my jacket behind a sofa, undid my shirt, John Travolta-style, and I never came back for it.

I tried horse sushi in Japan. Wasn’t too bad tbf.

When I was about 16 my friend’s brother worked for Vidal Sassoon and said we could get a free trim if we went to their training school. I got a 00s-style David Beckham mohawk, then had to walk a catwalk. I had to work at Waitrose the next day and they sent me home to get it cut off. I think I used my stepdad’s beard trimmer, even though he didn’t have a beard, so I reckon he mainly used them on his balls.

My friend Steve [Stamp, from People Just Do Nothing] used to do this joke where he’d pretend to fall down the stairs. One time he did it but on the last step I heard a crack and his face mid-air completely changed. It was so bad I had to leave; I couldn’t look at him. His mum ended up taking him to A&E. He’d broken his collarbone.

When grown men say “bibby” for baby. I die inside when I hear it, but I also love it. On my own I say it loads to myself, repeating it over and over.

Allan Mustafa and Hugo Chegwin’s podcast Chattin’ Shit è disponibile now on all podcast platforms

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