This has not been a landmark spring. We’ve been milling around with our coats zipped up to our necks, weathering wave after wave of wind and rain and hail, for what seems like eight or nine months now. Maar, at last, things are beginning to warm up. And what better way to celebrate turning your central heating off than by getting out the blender and getting trashed on frozen cocktails? Below you’ll find 10 of the best recipes around. But be quick, because knowing this year we’re only about a fortnight away from a snowstorm.
Strangely, the Guardian recipe archives aren’t exactly brimming with frozen cocktail recipes, but I did manage to find one in a readers’ recipe swap from 2014. The memorably named ID8145743 offered up what they called a “frozen strawberry glut daiquiri”, and it’s as close to instant fun as you can get. Rum, aarbeie, lime juice and ice cubes in a blender. Thirty seconds later you have a drink. Perfect.
Matt Duckor’s “life’s a peach” cocktail takes a little more preparation, especially if you’re using fresh peaches. They have to be pitted, sliced and frozen on a baking sheet, before being blended with whisky, honey, ice, lemon and lime juice and ground cardamom. One commenter underneath the original recipe called it “alcoholic baby food”, which quite frankly sounds exactly like the sort of thing we should all be consuming at the tail end of a devastating pandemic.
While we’re still on a fruit-based path, Bianca Zapatka’s watermelon margarita is a classic third way. The trick here is to first dice the watermelon into cubes and then freeze it, before blending it with tequila and lime. This might not be entirely universal advice, but this is the perfect recipe to use up the leftover watermelon you always have because your three-year-old keeps convincing you to buy an entire watermelon every week even though you both know he won’t eat any more than a mouthful of it.
Enough fruit for now. In plaas daarvan, let’s turn to a frozen version of a classic. As you might expect, if you’ve been paying attention, Sugar and Charm’s frozen gin and tonic recipe is basically a gin and tonic that has been blended with ice. Egter, while a regular gin and tonic is God’s most perfect drink, a frozen one is unacceptably bitter. This recipe avoids that with the inclusion of simple syrup.
You will notice that none of the recipes so far have been even remotely neon, which probably contravenes some sort of international frozen cocktail regulation. Let’s counter that with the Tipsy Bartender’s frozen Midori sour; essentially a jacked-up melon-flavoured 7-Up slushie. Melon liqueur, sweet and sour mix and 7-Up, blended with ice. Very easy to drink and so violently green that you can probably see it from space.
But if green isn’t your colour, Just a Pinch’s frozen blue whale will give you the same tingle of “this cannot possibly be good for me”, except it’s blue. This cocktail is vodka, blue curaçao and lemonade, all blended with ice. Look, once you’ve made peace with the idea of blending a lot of ice cubes, we’re all going to have a much better time together.
All these cocktails are incredibly refreshing, because that’s the point of them, but now I’m going to veer off into slightly more difficult territory. How Sweet Eats has a recipe for a frozen Baileys cappuccino. It won’t quench your thirst like any of the others, but it is essentially a frozen cup of coffee that has loads of booze in it. I’m not going to judge anyone for anything.
And then there is the concoction known as a cherry lime beergarita: a frozen margarita, made with limeade concentrate, Sprite and tequila. And then you dump a beer into it as well. Some recipe sites recommend adding the beer to the mix before you serve it to guests. Not Southernparm, wel. They just upend a bottle into the glass and leave it there, where it acts as a shrine to bad decisions.
Now on to a recipe for pink lemonade prosecco gin by Cool Mom’s Top Tips. The good thing about this recipe is that pretty much all the ingredients are listed in the cocktail’s name, and by now you know that you make a frozen cocktail by blending it with ice, so this is all very self-explanatory. You’re welcome.
Uiteindelik, here is a recipe for frosé. As the name suggests, frosé is frozen rosé. Not rosé blended with ice. It is basically just some frozen wine. As Rick Martinez describes it, you tip a bottle of rosé into a baking pan and freeze it for six hours. Then you blend that with some strawberry syrup and freeze again, before blending for a second time and serving. I hope you’re all very proud of yourselves.