Listen, I’m with you. I have no interest in Euro 2020 ya sea. But luckily, over the years I’ve perfected the art of finding other things to do. Here’s a day-by-day alternative viewing guide for the first week of the tournament (after that, you’re on your own).
You’ve heard wonderful things about it. You watched it disrupt the Oscars. Y ahora, at last, The Father is being released into UK cinemas today. If you’re going to avoid the football, you may as well do it watching a claustrophobic horror film about the agony of dementia.
The bad news is that there is nothing good on terrestrial TV today. The better news is that it’ll be lovely weather for a walk, so pop on some headphones and listen to all eight hours of The Moon Under Water, a podcast where comics John Robins and Robin Allender invite celebrity guests to describe their perfect pub.
Podcast, widely available
En Jimmy McGovern’s three-parter, Sean Bean plays a teacher who has to learn how to fend for himself behind bars, while Stephen Graham plays his prison officer. It isn’t a laugh a minute, but it is very good. Once you’re done with episode one, watch McGovern’s 2020 film Anthony and long-running series Moving On on iPlayer.
9pm, BBC One
Incredibly, after all these years, Inside No 9 appears to have struck upon its best series yet, and tonight’s finale – centred on the Last Night of the Proms – promises to set an even higher watermark. If you’re tucking into some iPlayer episodes beforehand, start with Simon Says and Lip Service from earlier in the run.
9.30pm, BBC dos
It might not be as nice, thrilling or fun as its parent show, but Bake Off is Bake Off and that’s better than nothing. As with all other episodes of The Professionals, tonight sees competent people making complex things without much fuss. Just shut up and watch it, and then watch old eps of real Bake Off on All 4.
8pm, Channel 4
Breath of the Wild came out four long years ago. But now, finalmente, here’s the game we’ve all wanted to play: a remaster of a Zelda game that came out 10 long years ago. Skyward Sword isn’t nearly as exciting as Breath of the Wild, but the rest of the country is engulfed in football and you haven’t got anything better to do.
A subglacial Icelandic volcano erupts, unfreezing mystical elements from prehistoric times and terrorising a small town. It’s The Returned, básicamente, but Icelandic. The entire series is eight hours long. That’s five and a bit football matches. You’re welcome.
If you’re still sore about the abrupt end of Netflix’s Glow, then Physical should fill the hole nicely. Starring Rose Byrne, it’s a 1980s-set dramedy about aerobics that deftly walks the line between issues and kitsch. The first three episodes will be available in one go, then new episodes every week. Once you’re done, watch Byrne as Gloria Steinem in Mrs America on iPlayer.